How 2 Avocados and 3 Tomatoes Saved My Life (Beth´s Version of the Events)

Once upon a time, there was a nice little vegetarian girl who didn´t want to hurt any animals, despite being in the most hedonistic meat-eating country in the world. Amongst the barbaric carnivores on the bus, there was seldom an ítem for the Little Vegetarian to enjoy calorically. After travelling the length of the 7th largest country for a rough total of 100 hrs by bus, the Little Vegetarian and her boyfriend/prince/Project-to-save-from-the-dark-world-of-eating-animals, got wise and began to pack lunches and dinners for the long bus rides. With the excitement of Ushuaia, glaciers, penguins, hiking, and avocado & tomato in her heart, the Little Vegetarian eagerly boarded the bus FROM Argentina TO Argentina (NOT to Chile, the land of mean, fat border control guards. ) Little did that poor Little Vegetarian know, darkness loomed in the distance.

After inexplicably being trapped on the bus (like a cute little calf on a factory farm), not moving at the Chiliean/ Argentinian border (which you apparently must cross to get to Ushuaia), a dark, fat and hairy monster hereby referred to as DiabloGuarda tromped onto the bus to get customs papers despite the travellers lack of intention (or opportunity) to step on Chilean soil. ¨¡FEE FI FO FOM! ¡Me llamo DiabloGuarda!¨, the ugly monster said before taking the Little Vegetarian and her novio´s customs papers. As all good children know, in times of war (like Vegetarianos vs Carnivores) sometimes it is necessary to be slightly deceiptful to protect one´s morality and animals at large, so the Little Vegetarian took some slight liberties in forgetting to include the 2 avocados and 3 tomatoes on the customs form.

When DiabloGuarda and his nasty kharma discovered these blissful Godsends in the bag, horns sudddenly protruded from his skull and a great fire emerged around him. The Little Vegetarian´s novio, in a showing of great valor and romantic chivalry, crossed enemy lines to protect the Little Vegetarian by claiming the herbivore´s ítems were his own! With high cholestrol and clogged arteries (the result of the animals´wartime atomic bomb on the Carnivores), Diablo Guarda breathed the fire of intimidation on the Little Vegetarian and her novio. He even suggested they sell their souls to him in the form of a bribe, but the two lovers stayed strong in the name of honor of true greats like Wilbur, Flipper, and Nemo and repeated, ¨Lo siento (para los animales muerte en todo el mundo.)¨ DiabloGuarda, in a fit of fiery, red rage carelessly snatched the produce from the Little Vegetarian and her novio, not even taking caution not to bruise their heavenly flesh!!! Instead of screaming out in pain, the tiny fruits surrendered honorably. But the cruel and carelesss guard grabbed one avocado so forcefully that he pierced the skin and wounded the avocado, causing it´s mysteriously green flesh ´to touch his clawed fingers. DiabloGuarda hissed to the travellers, ¨¡Hasta la vista baby! ¡I´ll be back!¨(presumably to take the couple to a prisoner war camp or institute a hefty fine to help support the unjust cause of animal genocide on the nearby sheep and bovine farms.)

But as DiabloGuarda waddled his fat way up the aisle, something magical began to unfold. As DiabloGuarda wagged his wrinkled, smelly claws at other passengers, a small piece of green flesh clung tightly to his finger. Indeed! The fallen soldier with the irreprocable puncture wound inflicted by DiabloGuarda was not done fighting at all! Though DiabloGuarda tried his darnedest to continue to torture people, the scientifically proven benefits of the Omagical 3 Fatty Acid from the avocado began to seep into his skin, producing rather instanteous physical and emotional health benefits! By the time DiabloGuarda collected all the customs forms, he felt lighter on his feet and craved more of the magical fruits! Instead of continuing on with his malicious plan to inprison the Little Vegetarian and her novio, DiabloGuarda let the travellers go on in peace, instead choosing to run off the bus in the fastest manner possible to eat more of the most miraculous food in the world.

Though they missed their fruits (and the Little Vegetarian cried for quite some time from the fright of the incident), the travellers continued on their happy journey to live happily forever after (but not without first awarding the brave avocado the Purple Corazon.)