The Opposable Thumbed Sloths: An Indolent Itineration of Costa Rica

When you are on vacation, when you are in Costa Rica, when you have nothing better to do, Drink.  Salud, to our last three days south of Mexico.

That's a fucking sloth. 

After a few weeks at home and no job prospects on the horizon, I thought it only fair (mainly to justify my unemployed, lazy, misanthropic existence) to write a post on our final destination in The Americas, South of the US of A, Costa Rica.  I can’t and won’t promise excitement, because in fact it was a mixture of dread and practice.  Practice for a  future life of lethargy and laze, though not affluence. 

For our last week we made a decision, we would not be on buses the whole time and we would not be consumed by a need to see and do as much as possible.  We would, by choice, do as little as possible, but we would do as little as possible on the beach.  The misconception about South America is that it is a beach paradise from floor to ceiling, from Ushuaia to Cartagena. (1)  When my sister first saw me in Italy, after getting over the shock of chops, she asked me how it was possible I was so pale, didn’t I just spend the last 8 months in south America?  Yes, I did, but it’s cold, it’s high, and point in fact there are not that many good beaches outside of Colombia and Brazil.  

Getting our tan on and putting up a scandalous picture...finally. 

So, we spent the last week unexcitedly (for you) sitting on the beach, drinking rum, wine, cheap vodka and as many new beers as our livers could handle.  We stopped first in Manuel Antonio.  We saw the ubiquitous monkeys and sloths that the national park is so famous for and we even pondered renting a surfboard even though the waves were barely strong enough to knock over a toddler. (2)  Our hostel was a 100 yards from the entrance.  It was cute, clean, a block from the ocean, served a great (and cheap breakfast) and had the nicest manager we’ve yet to meet.  A nice bronze, a burrito from Sanchos and three days later we left town headed for the “hippie, bohemian” town of Montezuma. 

Here we planned to surf, but the waves and the accompanying rocks did not bode well for beginner success.  Instead we bought lots of cheap vodka, fruit juice and lathered ourselves up in 40spf sun tan lotion.  We read, we relaxed and we did our best not to imagine ourselves at home figuring out what we wanted to do with the rest of our lives, or even with the next few months.  Nope, we just sat, relaxed and enjoyed.  It wasn’t like the rest of our trip, it was nothing like the trials and tribulations of traveling, it was a vacation and it was amazing. 

Wood.  Beach. Drinking.

Beauty Bus, a better bar name than beauty bar and a better concept to.  Make it happen someone.

Notes: San Jose isn’t miserable, but it ain’t paradise.  If you go to Costa Rica buy souvenirs in San Jose, but get coastal as soon as possible. Try gallo pinto.  It’s not chicken, it’s beans and rice with some onions, lizano and fresh cilantro.  It’s tasty, if simple.  We didn’t go to Vulcan Arenal, though if we go back, I want to.  We also didn’t see the turtles, but there are supposed to be massive turtles and if you go during the right time of the year, you can watch them lay eggs.   I’m pretty sure watching them lay eggs is liking watching water boil, but fuck it, why not.

Gallo Pinto.

(1)   Alright no one thinks the southern most city in the world is a beach paradise, but you get the point.

(2)   Note: Manuel Antonio post-super-rainy season is a rip off.  It’s a ten dollar entrance fee, but once you get into the park you realize that ¾ of it is closed due to excessive rain, mud slides and other potential calamitous events that the park rangers refuse to clarify.  Make sure the park is fully open or you are likely to spend your half day with 100’s of tourist, domesticated monkeys and the elderly in bathing suits—a sight I definitely could have done without.  The one advantage: we didn’t have to pay for a tour guide because they were everywhere.  If you’ve never tried to spot a sloth yourself, then you wouldn’t understand, but without those groups and their guides we would have been privileged enough to see only the monkeys and no sloths. 

Don't go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you are used to...