a man, a Plan, a canal, Panama

Panama, a canal, a man, a plan...er, us in the entrance hall to theCanal, with a giant cargo ship in the background.

Any country whose name just calls out to be put into a palindrome, however simple, is a country of mine own blood. If I was clever enough, or had enough Internet time, this post would be a packet of witty, grotesque, vulgar, humorous and definitely immature (perhaps even the occassionally profound) palindromes.  Since I'm neither clever or a man with much time, this quick-hit list of Panama must suffice.

Panama is beautiful: Jungle, carribean coast, warm pacific coast (best California in this regard), safe,  and best of all it's a helluva lot cheaper than Costa Rica.  (por ejemplo: Ron in costa rica cost about $8 for a really cheap bottle, we found a bottle of whiskey for $1.50 in Panama).

They also have pandas, good freinds of Beth. 

Panama City has skyscrappers.  It's said that it's the Miami of central America, except more English is spoken in Panamacity.

In the bottom left hand corner, between the two poles, there is a glowing spot, that is a ginormous television, apparently there to entertain the shipswaiting to go through the canal. 

When flying in you need proof of onward travel.  A flight from Costa Rica to LAX does not suffice.  Ergo, your airline (maybe it's the innately evil Copa) might hold you hostage forcing you to buy a flight for 386 dollars from panama to Costa rica before you are allowed to board your flight from Colombia (also refusing to refund you for the flight you are going to board in two hours, thus the hostage part), meanwhile telling you it's a 20 cancellation fee, when it's actually 50...per ticket.  And then charging an unexplained tax for said purchase of 35 dillars, just to rub your face in it.  Moral: Don't fly copa, they are owned and operated by souless, destined for the depths of hell making those there even more miserable than previously imagined, humans that don't even respond to Beth crying and my ensuing yelling... and have proof of onward travel from Panama if entering the country. Sorry, that was rantish.

The canal was first begun by the French after completing the Suez.  Malaria, the jungle, and bad financing contributed to this ventures bankruptcy.  The US swept in, took over, and promised to help liberate Panana from Colombia in return for control of the canal.  This was around 1903.  70 something years later Jimmy Carter, in a moment of clear misguided judiciousness, promised to return the canal in '99.  Theorist believe it was a vain gesture, as JC's well known Y2K fear would have meant that Panananian control would have lasted between one day and 365 days.

The canal, perhaps not awe inspiring, but an impressive feat, nonetheless.

There are 400 islands off the Carribean side of Panana.  The Kuna people live there.  They are an autonmous group of Indigenious peoples.  Which is to say Panama let's them make their own rules, fly their own flag and enforce their own laws up until the point oil is found in that part of the Carribean Ocean..which is nice of them.  (side note: disconcertingly enough the kuna flag resembles that of pre-Yalta Germany, with an inverted swastika adorning its center).

Kuna don't allow foreign ownership of land, nor foreign occupants.  They do allow travelers.  For a small fee of $25 a day, you get a sand floor, a lumpy mattress, a palm-covered leaky roof and a crab-lobster-langostin dinner (or if you are Beth an uncooled can of mixed veggies and rice).  Not to mention crystalline waters, tropical fish, hammocks; a slice of paradise, as they say.  We stayed in our hut in paradise for three days and nights.  Eyna, the chief, lives their in his Coleman tent, complete with television, permanently.  We heard he doesn't have cable, but that he enjoys porn, so if you ever visit Eynas Island in the San Blas, there is your gift idea.

THis is the start of an annoying chain of paradise pictures that will surely make someone in a cubicle, at a job, in winter time jealous.  p.s. If happiness breeds stupidty, I'm clearly it's mascot.

Coconut.

Kids, Kuna, Island.  Unfortunately they didn't have some brilliant and thoroughly time wasting coconut game...my only dissapointment.

Our own slice of island paradise

Casco Viejo is the oldest, stll intact, neighborhood in Panana City.  It's also the name of our hostel.  It's nice, both are.  We were allowed to share a dorm bed for $5 a night, each.  Fate was kind to us there.

The neighborhood is strange, but interesting. All fascade, no guts.  Old colonial homes occupied by squaters sit next to posh new bar-cafes selling $8 mojitis.  4 star hotels are next to homes that are left open all day, fans blowing with gusto and old men decorating their doorsteps just to keep cool.  Anachronistic modernity meeting impoverished antiquity.  Interesting.

The main, and only, bus terminal has the biggest and most western mall, complete with stores, mall food, cinnabon and movie theatre.  Harry Potter felt much darker than the previous ones.  I think this is the best one to date.  No red vines.

No REd Vines, but plenty of wizards and coca cola.

There's no tshirts or belts with the title of this post on then.  It's a travesty.  Someone needs to contact the tourism bureau and get this in the works.  I heart panana just doesn't work.

Panama is underrated.  Costa rica is rated about right.  Which means you should probably come to panama on your next vacation, call it Billy Travel-nomics.  Panama: The Palindrome of Life.  Once you come, you'll always come back.

Lastly, panamas national booze is Seco.  It's national drink is seco mixed with milk.  And no, "White Panamanian" is not the name.