Day Trippin': Stay Classy San Diego

This happened months ago, but why the hell not?

We're still trying to figure out whether or not we should finish off a few last post lingering from South America and end this blog's misery or if we should continue the excruciation.  Because we are lagging on those last few post, we'll give option b, exruciation, a momentary shot. 

On the way back from Kristy's we stopped in a liquor store only to be greeted by a giant plastic sperm at the counter filled with 15% of some kind of alcohol, presumably not spermacide since it said the alcohol was potable. 

1. I hadn't been spanked since I was about 7, that was until Kristy gave me the business and then made up for it by giving me a sticker, so i could tell the world of her prodigous paddle. 

Ringer, Ringer.  Beth tossing some 'shoes on Ocean Beach.

Brown Gravy.  Cheese.  French Fries. 

'

Winner, Winner.  Beth wins "balls on a ball" for Chachee.

Financials: Part I

There is only one conceivable way that a public servant (former) and a social worker (former, for now) could up and quit their jobs and high-tail it to South America for just under 11 months (10 months, 3 weeks and 3 days is a little more accurate): be cheap, really, really, fucking cheap. (1)

We'd initially planned on coming home September 7, 2010, or rather we'd figured out that we could definitely (barring any unforeseen tragedy) afford to be there until that date. We based this on many things, mainly lonely planet and a few other internet resources. It was all very vague and unscientific, especially considering that the lonely planet we used to base most of our potential cost numbers was almost three years old (not counting any lag time with the publication date and the dated research times). As such, we were conservative with our numbers, wanting to be sure that we could afford to make it to that date, so as to prevent any selling of body parts (by dismemberment or simply physical exertion) to afford food and lodging. In hindsight this was a mild mistake in that it cost us $175 (combined) to change our flight to December 14, though we could have changed the flight to the mid/end of November for free, those three weeks were terribly worth it.

Since we knew all along that we would be on a tight budget, probably even more strangulating than the South America on a Shoestring budget, we planned ahead. We read blogs, we looked on lonely planet's website thorn tree (an unbelievably useful tool and the perfect free counterbalance to the out datedness and potentially inaccurate lonely planet books. It's a user-generated site for travelers, by travelers and helped with all sorts of advice from border crossings to politically unstable regions that might actually be OK to visit.), we read the OLD frugal traveler and just generally scoured through as much travel information as we could find. Here is an inexhaustive list of shit that helped us to live cheaper lives than we otherwise would have been able to without them.

- A tent and sleeping bags: Patagonia is expensive, in particular the cost of habitation is disproportionately high. Camping saved us on average about 1/2 of what the normal cost of a hostel dorm room would be, sometimes more, sometimes less. We spent anywhere between $5 - $10 a night per person, usually upwards of $10, not to mention the privacy, the freedom and the sheer joy of waking up in nature provided by the tent. It is probably (outside of our backpacks and the next thing on the list) the most useful thing we brought.

- Capital One Bank Cards: Unbelievable how sad and pathetic US banks are when it comes to people traveling abroad. (2) I'm not sure if it is a product of the 'lack of American travelers" or if it is simply the fact that they can charger ridiculously high amounts to withdraw money, but in any case it is highway robbery. Most banks charge something like 3-5% of the withdrawal amount, while others charge a flat rate, somewhere between $5-$10 per transaction (Note: these are rough estimates, they could be higher and lower). Capital One on the other hand charges you absolutely nothing. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Effing Nada. You withdraw money from your account and they will process that transaction free of charge, even their charged exchange rates (assuming you are withdrawing foreign currency and not US dollars from foreign banks) are right about what that days exchange rate is according to Yahoo Finance. The only flaw is that they do not have any power over whether the bank in which you are withdrawing money charges a transaction fee. But, be warned, many countries have banks that do charge fees for withdrawing, but they almost all have banks that don't charge as well. Look around, withdraw from multiple banks and if you are in a country that charges, withdraw more money, so that you have to pay less transaction fees.

- A travel stove: We didn't bring this, which led to countless cold means in cold weather and eventually the need to rent one for a four day trek. I would say absolutely bring one of these along if you plan to camp at all. Find one used at a garage store or a second hand sports store so you don't have to fork over the $100 or so dollars it cost. You can find fuel canisters down there.

- Water bottles: Like Sigg, though Siggs are unnecessary. We boiled a lot of water in countries that the tap water is not potable. It's way, way, way cheaper to do this, it's better for the environment and the bottles double as opaque glasses in which to sterilize your water using water purifying tablets on long treks where it is infeasible for you to carry four days worth of water. It's a win-win.

- An iTouch or some other form of Internet capable device. Internet is not expensive, but it's also not always cheap, not to mention most hostels have lines for the computers or inconsiderate people that like to watch YouTube videos of their favorite prepubescent pop stars for hours while you sit, stare, hate and wait for them to get off so you can send two emails out to your parents letting them know you are alive and well and not kidnapped by some coca growers in a third world country. The iTouch (or a netbook) allows for you to do this and at a fairly reasonable price tag. It's a good investment.

I'm sure there are plenty of other items which we packed that helped us to save money along the way, but those are the big deals, the ones that had we not had them our trip and our wallet books would have suffered. And as this has rambled on for much longer than I anticipated, we'll do three finance parts. The next portion will have how much we spent per country and maybe a few ways in which we saved money in each of those countries.

(1) This is not entirely true. Our customs agent, of Miami International fame, brought up this salient point: "So, you just quit your jobs to go traveling for a year? What, are your parents rich? You got a trust fund?" No officer Custom, we just slept in fleabags, took cheap buses and ate as little as possible. Thanks for asking.

(2) I'm not well informed about foreign owned/operated banks. Perhaps they pillage their customers as well, in which case all the more reason to love Capital One, embrace them and make them a part of your monetary family.

Note: No products shown on this website are endorsed or unendorsed by this blogger.  They are simply being used as examples of the items which we brought along our travels and proved to be invaluable to us on our journey.

The Opposable Thumbed Sloths: An Indolent Itineration of Costa Rica

When you are on vacation, when you are in Costa Rica, when you have nothing better to do, Drink.  Salud, to our last three days south of Mexico.

That's a fucking sloth. 

After a few weeks at home and no job prospects on the horizon, I thought it only fair (mainly to justify my unemployed, lazy, misanthropic existence) to write a post on our final destination in The Americas, South of the US of A, Costa Rica.  I can’t and won’t promise excitement, because in fact it was a mixture of dread and practice.  Practice for a  future life of lethargy and laze, though not affluence. 

For our last week we made a decision, we would not be on buses the whole time and we would not be consumed by a need to see and do as much as possible.  We would, by choice, do as little as possible, but we would do as little as possible on the beach.  The misconception about South America is that it is a beach paradise from floor to ceiling, from Ushuaia to Cartagena. (1)  When my sister first saw me in Italy, after getting over the shock of chops, she asked me how it was possible I was so pale, didn’t I just spend the last 8 months in south America?  Yes, I did, but it’s cold, it’s high, and point in fact there are not that many good beaches outside of Colombia and Brazil.  

Getting our tan on and putting up a scandalous picture...finally. 

So, we spent the last week unexcitedly (for you) sitting on the beach, drinking rum, wine, cheap vodka and as many new beers as our livers could handle.  We stopped first in Manuel Antonio.  We saw the ubiquitous monkeys and sloths that the national park is so famous for and we even pondered renting a surfboard even though the waves were barely strong enough to knock over a toddler. (2)  Our hostel was a 100 yards from the entrance.  It was cute, clean, a block from the ocean, served a great (and cheap breakfast) and had the nicest manager we’ve yet to meet.  A nice bronze, a burrito from Sanchos and three days later we left town headed for the “hippie, bohemian” town of Montezuma. 

Here we planned to surf, but the waves and the accompanying rocks did not bode well for beginner success.  Instead we bought lots of cheap vodka, fruit juice and lathered ourselves up in 40spf sun tan lotion.  We read, we relaxed and we did our best not to imagine ourselves at home figuring out what we wanted to do with the rest of our lives, or even with the next few months.  Nope, we just sat, relaxed and enjoyed.  It wasn’t like the rest of our trip, it was nothing like the trials and tribulations of traveling, it was a vacation and it was amazing. 

Wood.  Beach. Drinking.

Beauty Bus, a better bar name than beauty bar and a better concept to.  Make it happen someone.

Notes: San Jose isn’t miserable, but it ain’t paradise.  If you go to Costa Rica buy souvenirs in San Jose, but get coastal as soon as possible. Try gallo pinto.  It’s not chicken, it’s beans and rice with some onions, lizano and fresh cilantro.  It’s tasty, if simple.  We didn’t go to Vulcan Arenal, though if we go back, I want to.  We also didn’t see the turtles, but there are supposed to be massive turtles and if you go during the right time of the year, you can watch them lay eggs.   I’m pretty sure watching them lay eggs is liking watching water boil, but fuck it, why not.

Gallo Pinto.

(1)   Alright no one thinks the southern most city in the world is a beach paradise, but you get the point.

(2)   Note: Manuel Antonio post-super-rainy season is a rip off.  It’s a ten dollar entrance fee, but once you get into the park you realize that ¾ of it is closed due to excessive rain, mud slides and other potential calamitous events that the park rangers refuse to clarify.  Make sure the park is fully open or you are likely to spend your half day with 100’s of tourist, domesticated monkeys and the elderly in bathing suits—a sight I definitely could have done without.  The one advantage: we didn’t have to pay for a tour guide because they were everywhere.  If you’ve never tried to spot a sloth yourself, then you wouldn’t understand, but without those groups and their guides we would have been privileged enough to see only the monkeys and no sloths. 

Don't go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you are used to...

Combat Illiteracy, Drink A Beer

Here's my top 8, in order of best to not-quite-as-good, favorite books I read on this trip.  Some I found, some I brought, some I exchanged, three on this list were even purchased (2 before leaving and one was brought by Kim) and some I traded (with death grips) my favorite books for, but all of these books struck me as exceptional in some format.  I read about a book a week during our trip, somewhere in the 45-52 range.  A bit more than normal, but with better success rates I think, especially considering the availability of books being limited to hostels, book exchanges at cafes/bars/etc and other travelers. I didn't write every book down and I'm sure I'm missing at least  three worthwhile books.  If I remember them, I'll put them in the comments section.  And if any of you would like to share your favorite book you read while we were gone, I'm all ears and looking forward to suggestions.  Without further ado:  

1a) All the kings men by Robert Warren Penn
Brilliant characters.  Excellent plot.  Incredibly well written.  And relevant, still.  A fully realized take on American politics.  My favorite book of the trip.

1b) Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy
The strength is in the details, in the unique descriptive nature.  They can be insane, outlandish and even morbid, but always pertinent and perfectly fitting. An incredible read.

3) 100 years of solitude &/ The General In His Labryinths by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Also read the general in his labryinths. I enjoyed this book as well.  not exactly on par with 100, though I prefer this genre, historical fiction and Simon Bolivar.  100 is long, magical realism, that is more like toned down fantasy or extremely tenous, maybe even ludicrous, reality.  It's excellent, interesting, unparalleled I guess, but I thought the above two were more poignant with more interesting characters and, simply put, better written, respectively.  

4) Labryinths by Jorge Luis Borges
Floored me at times, which doesn't happen often, but bored me at times too.  Excellent, excellent short stories, some ruined by a quite literal marriage to using the word labryinth in them.  

5) Burr by Gore Vidal
More historical fiction.  In many ways much more complex and seemingly meticulously researched than the Marquez novel.  A phenomal take on the vilified Mr. Milk: engaging, well written, historical, but not dull.  For people that don't read history, this is a good place to start.

6) Empire: a history of the British Empire by Niall Ferguson 
A history of Britain at the height of it's empirical rule, one the stretched much further and had much broader influence than I had completely realized.  Fascinating, well-written, but  written by Niall, not Neil, gives it a certain Blow Job Britain tone that might be a little less objective than I prefer. (the proceeding two books are inherently more readable, but this is much more academic. you come away feeling like you learned some shit, instead of being entertained...a good thing...sometimes.)

7) Marching Powder by Rusty Young 
Coke, jail, self-sustaining prisoner-ran economic systems like real estate sales, corner stores and fresh produce, and all this centrally located in La Paz, the chaotic capital of the least developed south American country plus it's banned in the country it takes place in, Bolivia.  Great first half, but a ruined 2nd half due to a delusional love-story.   

8) Lost City of Z by David Grann
Adventure novels get a bad rap.  If you didn't like from the mixed up files of mrs. Basel e. Weitweiler as a child you have no flair for the exciting.  But, I find as I get older, real adventure stories, or at least as real as the information the author presents, tend to capture that sense of excitment Much better than tales of running away from home.   

Honorable Mention: Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts.  This is premature (I'm not done with the megalith 900+ page book yet), and verging on unworthy, but it's such a travelers book, that I have to mention it.  Not to mention I want to go to Bombay (Mumbai) now...and India, in general.  So, even though he is prone to self-aggrandizement (though he tries to hide it), and excessive displays of description with the occassionally cringe-inducing metaphor, it's interesting, exciting and the love of this place where he decided to make a new home as a foreigner, shines through.  Thus, honorable mention. 

More Pictures, Less Time

Don't give up now, we still have a few more post coming, but they will have to wait a few days.  Tomorrow afternoon, 635pm, we board a flight to Miami, Fl, USA.  The following day we board another flight to LAX.  We will officially be Californian again sometimes between 12pm (when we get through customs) and 1pm (when we probably get through customs).  I'm not aiming for profundity here, so I'll just say this: we can't wait to see you all, everyone of you...but goddamnit.




p.s. we added pictures to the post below. Especially of note is the juxtaposition between Kim and Mask in the Bugs post.

a man, a Plan, a canal, Panama

Panama, a canal, a man, a plan...er, us in the entrance hall to theCanal, with a giant cargo ship in the background.

Any country whose name just calls out to be put into a palindrome, however simple, is a country of mine own blood. If I was clever enough, or had enough Internet time, this post would be a packet of witty, grotesque, vulgar, humorous and definitely immature (perhaps even the occassionally profound) palindromes.  Since I'm neither clever or a man with much time, this quick-hit list of Panama must suffice.

Panama is beautiful: Jungle, carribean coast, warm pacific coast (best California in this regard), safe,  and best of all it's a helluva lot cheaper than Costa Rica.  (por ejemplo: Ron in costa rica cost about $8 for a really cheap bottle, we found a bottle of whiskey for $1.50 in Panama).

They also have pandas, good freinds of Beth. 

Panama City has skyscrappers.  It's said that it's the Miami of central America, except more English is spoken in Panamacity.

In the bottom left hand corner, between the two poles, there is a glowing spot, that is a ginormous television, apparently there to entertain the shipswaiting to go through the canal. 

When flying in you need proof of onward travel.  A flight from Costa Rica to LAX does not suffice.  Ergo, your airline (maybe it's the innately evil Copa) might hold you hostage forcing you to buy a flight for 386 dollars from panama to Costa rica before you are allowed to board your flight from Colombia (also refusing to refund you for the flight you are going to board in two hours, thus the hostage part), meanwhile telling you it's a 20 cancellation fee, when it's actually 50...per ticket.  And then charging an unexplained tax for said purchase of 35 dillars, just to rub your face in it.  Moral: Don't fly copa, they are owned and operated by souless, destined for the depths of hell making those there even more miserable than previously imagined, humans that don't even respond to Beth crying and my ensuing yelling... and have proof of onward travel from Panama if entering the country. Sorry, that was rantish.

The canal was first begun by the French after completing the Suez.  Malaria, the jungle, and bad financing contributed to this ventures bankruptcy.  The US swept in, took over, and promised to help liberate Panana from Colombia in return for control of the canal.  This was around 1903.  70 something years later Jimmy Carter, in a moment of clear misguided judiciousness, promised to return the canal in '99.  Theorist believe it was a vain gesture, as JC's well known Y2K fear would have meant that Panananian control would have lasted between one day and 365 days.

The canal, perhaps not awe inspiring, but an impressive feat, nonetheless.

There are 400 islands off the Carribean side of Panana.  The Kuna people live there.  They are an autonmous group of Indigenious peoples.  Which is to say Panama let's them make their own rules, fly their own flag and enforce their own laws up until the point oil is found in that part of the Carribean Ocean..which is nice of them.  (side note: disconcertingly enough the kuna flag resembles that of pre-Yalta Germany, with an inverted swastika adorning its center).

Kuna don't allow foreign ownership of land, nor foreign occupants.  They do allow travelers.  For a small fee of $25 a day, you get a sand floor, a lumpy mattress, a palm-covered leaky roof and a crab-lobster-langostin dinner (or if you are Beth an uncooled can of mixed veggies and rice).  Not to mention crystalline waters, tropical fish, hammocks; a slice of paradise, as they say.  We stayed in our hut in paradise for three days and nights.  Eyna, the chief, lives their in his Coleman tent, complete with television, permanently.  We heard he doesn't have cable, but that he enjoys porn, so if you ever visit Eynas Island in the San Blas, there is your gift idea.

THis is the start of an annoying chain of paradise pictures that will surely make someone in a cubicle, at a job, in winter time jealous.  p.s. If happiness breeds stupidty, I'm clearly it's mascot.

Coconut.

Kids, Kuna, Island.  Unfortunately they didn't have some brilliant and thoroughly time wasting coconut game...my only dissapointment.

Our own slice of island paradise

Casco Viejo is the oldest, stll intact, neighborhood in Panana City.  It's also the name of our hostel.  It's nice, both are.  We were allowed to share a dorm bed for $5 a night, each.  Fate was kind to us there.

The neighborhood is strange, but interesting. All fascade, no guts.  Old colonial homes occupied by squaters sit next to posh new bar-cafes selling $8 mojitis.  4 star hotels are next to homes that are left open all day, fans blowing with gusto and old men decorating their doorsteps just to keep cool.  Anachronistic modernity meeting impoverished antiquity.  Interesting.

The main, and only, bus terminal has the biggest and most western mall, complete with stores, mall food, cinnabon and movie theatre.  Harry Potter felt much darker than the previous ones.  I think this is the best one to date.  No red vines.

No REd Vines, but plenty of wizards and coca cola.

There's no tshirts or belts with the title of this post on then.  It's a travesty.  Someone needs to contact the tourism bureau and get this in the works.  I heart panana just doesn't work.

Panama is underrated.  Costa rica is rated about right.  Which means you should probably come to panama on your next vacation, call it Billy Travel-nomics.  Panama: The Palindrome of Life.  Once you come, you'll always come back.

Lastly, panamas national booze is Seco.  It's national drink is seco mixed with milk.  And no, "White Panamanian" is not the name.